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Monday, August 22, 2011

Project Management Humor

1. Any task, no matter how complex, can be estimated accurately, once it's completed.
2. The most valuable, and least used, word in a project manager's vocabulary is "no".
3. Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.
4. You can bully a project manager into committing to an impossible project completion date, but you cannot bully him into meeting it.
5. Too few people on a project can't solve the problems - too many create more problems than they solve.
6. A change freeze is like the abominable snowman: it is a myth and would anyway melt when heat is applied.
7. A user will tell you anything you ask about, but nothing more.
8. A user is somebody who tells you what they really want the day you give them what they first asked for.
9. The conditions attached to a promise are forgotten, only the promise is remembered.
10. There's never enough time to do it right first time, but there's always enough time to go back and do it again.
11. I know that you believe that you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
12. The sooner you rush into coding, the later you finish the project.
13. If project scope is allowed to change freely, the rate of change will exceed the rate of progress.
14. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
15. The person who says it will take the longest and cost the most is the only one with a clue how to do the job.
16. The bitterness of poor product quality lingers long after the celebration of meeting the project date is forgotten.
17. A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
18. What has not been put on paper has not been said.
19. If you fail to plan the project, you are planning to fail the project.
20. The more you plan the project, the luckier you get.
21. If you can keep your head while all about you are losing theirs, you haven't understood the project plan.
22. If you don't attack the project risks, the project risks will attack you.
23. A little bit of project risk management saves a lot of fan cleaning.
24. The sooner you fall behind the project schedule, the more time you have to make it up.
25. When all's said and done, a lot more was said then was done

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